University Chain of Command

With all the unrest that dominates the Greek Universities (among them my alma mater) due to imminent layoffs, I thought I should copy here something that was sent to me once via twitter (and was posted on pastebin). Surprisingly, not many links point to this document, so here is one more:

  • Dean: Leaps tall buildings in a single bound. Is more powerful than a locomotive. Is faster than a speeding bullet. Walks on water. Gives policy to God.
  • Department Head: Leaps short buildings in a single bound. Is more powerful than a switch engine. Is just as fast as a speeding bullet. Talks with God.
  • Professor: Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds. Is almost as powerful as a switch engine. Is faster than a speeding BB. Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool. Talks with God if a special request is honored.
  • Associate Professor: Barely clears a quonset hut. Loses tug of war with a locomotive. Can fire a speeding bullet. Swims well. Is occasionally addressed by God.
  • Assistant Professor: Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings. Is run over by locomotives. Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury. Treads water. Talks to animals.
  • Instructor: Climbs walls continually. Rides the rails. Plays Russian Roulette. Walks on thin ice. Prays a lot.
  • Graduate Student: Runs into buildings. Recognizes locomotives two out of three times. Is not issued ammunition. Can stay afloat with a life jacket. Talks to walls.
  • Undergraduate Student: Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings. Says “Look at the choochoo”. Wets himself with a water pistol. Plays in mud puddles. Mumbles to himself.
  • Department Secretary: Lifts buildings and walks under them. Kicks locomotives off the tracks. Catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them. Freezes water with a single glance. She IS God.

In a humorous way this document displays the needs that administrative personnel serves within a University (or any organization for that matter).

This is copied from the University of Toronto, Faculty of Information Studies newsletter (issue 49). PDF here.

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